There she was, the olive skinned slender hour-glass figure standing against the rays of the summer dawn sun, creating an erotic silhouette. Parting the bright lemon green drapes of the hotel room her long dark shiny hair cascaded down to her backside, and as she turned to respond to sounds made by the man of dreams…

Hey there, my name is Funmi Adekunle, the girl your mother warned you never to associate with when you were about to get into the university, olive skinned half-cast, hazel eyed, final year student at University of Lagos. I’m third child of a wealthy Yoruba man and a sexy good-looking Sicilian mother. I’m a Lagos high socialite and a high class runs girl and this is my story.

My story starts at my friend’s newly opened boutique. There I was with my best friend Obiageli sitting and sipping a cold glass of wine. We looked on as everyone clamored around shelves checking out beautiful clothes and elegantly designed couture dresses; and as though time froze in its tracks as I laid my eyes on this stud of a man at the far end of the room who stood off singular from all numerous noise makers who surrounded him. For a man in his mid-20’s he looked so trimmed and chiseled with a military-like stature that was both rugged but enticingly devilish, that I began to imagine his touch on my skin and the way he would handle me behind closed doors, ‘Funmi! Funmi! Are you there?’ Obiageli snapped my perverted senses back to reality ‘look!’ and as though cupid listened in on every thought and decided to grant my heart desire, that stud now stood towering in front of me.

‘(Laughs) Hey beautiful, you look like you’ve seen a ghost because I’ve been trying to get your attention for close to two centuries now (chuckles), I’m Barrister Obiora and you’re? ’, His voice was so manly, it made you feel like you were the only one that he was meant to be speaking to in the whole world at that very moment.

“(Blushing) Funmi and I didn’t see a ghost (hiss)”

‘Okay, well I hope you’re enjoying the scenery of these fauna socialites?’

“I know right, I thought I was the only one, Lord! So ratchet (shrugs)”

‘(Laughs) As in ehn, and is it only me or is the owner of this boutique placing head turning and neck twisting price tags for just dresses that are not even that stunning’

“I thought I was the only one that thought attending this boutique opening was a waste of my precious time and fuel, now I know I’ve got a partner in crime (laughs)”, and as though he read my mind he looked straight in to my eyes and said ‘do you want to get to someplace less crowded with selfish rich people?’ and at that singular moment with all conviction I knew that our meeting was ordained by the gods of the land themselves. Obie on the other hand felt so left out, and in the back of my mind I felt as though I was a bad friend, so as my mouth was about to produce the cliche answer my eyes had its last glance at Obie and I remembered our bff motto “babes before bros”, and I had to decline his offer.

‘It’s okay I understand (bites lower lip), but can I at least get your number?’ with an embarrassing shmuck on my face I gladly exchanged numbers with this new flame of mine.

‘It’s been a pleasure talking to you gorgeous, and Obie thanks for helping me get her attention, take care, bye.’ And as he strode away from our presence the twisting of his butt was so obvious that I wanted to call him back grab, squeeze, and smack it before he left, (sigh) Lord have mercy on my soul, I am such a pervert.

And that’s how my love tale with this hopeless romantic all began….

Lying on the left side of a gargantuan family size bed was a red Isi Agu top and crumpled George wrapper, loud indigenous Igbo music played on the background. A huge male figure stood by the wall using his mobile phone, wrapped around his waist was a white towel that helped to reveal the protruding belly; so big you would have thought he was with child. As he turned to look at the damsel that was entangled within his sheets still groping…

Engineer Chidajomobi Ezedimgba here, and that girl you see this author man talking about is one of the numerous Otuocha ashawos I always end up with at the end of any event I attend in any city in Nigeria. I am a petroleum engineer by day and at night I’m the fat pot-bellied man eating isi ewu at a bush bar with a very beautiful girl sitting on my lap. I’m a father of three children and I am a divorcee, my kids are all graduates and master degree holders in their various endeavours and are very successful because I made them, so that they’ll not disturb me with money issues, I value the success of my children more than I value my self-worth, apparently that’s my good side. But my flaw is that I am a womaniser and as of now I am sitting on a chair in Obiora’s office with my hand still on my face. And this is how it all started….

To be continued…